Epitonic Radio

I love online radio, and I love it even more when I find a really cool one that's easy to use. I'm still a HUGE fan of gaydar radio (see my links), but for hands-on listener control, you can't beat my latest discovery, Epitonic Radio. Once there, click on the "radio" button in the upper right corner and then choose your style. Look at the choice they give you:

Select the number of songs you want to hear and the styles you want them to be, then click "Play Epitonic Radio." We'll launch a big old stream in your preferred player, offering you endless Epitonic listening enjoyment.

That's incredible! I'm listening now. I'm not sure how frequently they update their selections, but I've got a while to go before I run out of options. I'm going to guess that they must refresh fairly often to stay current.
My thanks to aguysite for the tip off.

Shot you Down

AudioBullys + Nancy Sinatra = my fav new house mix.
Check it out on AudioBullys website. The video is pretty damn awesome, too. Click on the record label below and then click on "watch video" to see the whole thing. It rocks.

Rate this hot rod!

Not mine. But if you want to see lots of hot amateur Brazilian guys showing off their stuff, check out avalie meu pinto. It's been my favorite website for a long time. You'll see why. It's in Portuguese, but it's easy enough to get to the pics w/o understanding. It's also free.
1st time user's tips: click on the names to the left. Also, from the drop down menu, I recommend "Top 30," "adicionados hoje," and "mais votados."
Lastly, once you click on a user name to the left and a picture opens, click on the user's name above the picture to open all their pics.
Just be sure not to get too lost. Time flies when you're having fun.
WARNING: nudity and adult content

Soulforce: Deus Ex Machina

Finally, an answer from God, an ally, an escape hatch
from the angst. This is the most important message for
gay Americans in this century.

SOULFORCE RESPONSE TO ANTI-HOMOSEXUAL AD CAMPAIGNS
by Mel White, UFMCC Justice Minister

In the past few weeks, fundamentalist Christian
organizations have escalated their attacks on lesbian
and gay Americans. Millions of dollars are being spent
to convince the nation that we are "sick" and "sinful,"
that we can and should be "cured," that our rights and
protections should be denied, and that any political or
religious leader who supports us should be condemned and
any business or city that comes to our aid should be cut
off.
We are tempted to answer these misinforming voices with
equally colorful soundbites of our own; however rushing
to do battle with angry words and clenched fists will not
help our cause. Doubting their integrity or debating
their motives is another dead end. We must not react,
but we must respond. The anti-homosexual rhetoric leads
to intolerance, suffering, and death for gay, lesbian,
bisexual, and transgendered Americans. It must be
confronted and the Soulforce principles of relentless
nonviolent resistance of Gandhi and King show us how.


First, when untruth threatens, we respond with truth.
Second, when untruth threatens, we respond with truth
in love.
Third, when untruth threatens, we respond with truth
in love relentlessly.

Click the article title to read the full text.

SoulForce  Mel White

A black pearl shines

Despite some personal foibles and peccadilloes, Bill Cosby is "holding up his end of the deal" in his Conversations with Cosby series across America. He is on par with Martin Luther King, Jr., Maya Angelou and Oprah Winfrey, African-Americans with important truths to impart, not only to their people, but to the population at large. He speaks the truth and is doing God's work. Listen and make that change. It's the "man in the mirror" and no one else.

And, oh yeah...

THE guy: Hot. Amazing. This could be it. I don't want to totally kiss and tell because this feels pretty damn special, but he's Brazilian, 33, 6'3", gym body, library brain. Remember the earlier post, Pode Ser? (which means "Could it be?" in Portuguese)? Well, I think the answer is "yes! I do! I will!"
I actually feel like I'm betraying something incredibly special by talking about it, but some of you have asked me for an update, so consider this the update.
I want to say more. I want to gush. I want to tell you that I spent Saturday night through Tuesday evening with him and it was a blissful block of lost time (hence the lack of posts). And that we did it and it was the best sex I've ever had. And that my soul feels "at home" with him. And that he's the marrying kind. And that he makes me want to be the best man I can be. And that if I could, I'd want to have his baby, or vice versa. And that looking into his eyes without speaking almost brings tears to my eyes. And that sex with him is emotional, intimate, rocket booster intense, yet fun and giddy sometimes. And that I think this is the one to whom I can say, "I'm glad I waited." And remind you that we have the same birthday and our mothers do too, including the same year. And that I think that the birthday facts are God hitting me over the head with a sign (because I always look for one) saying, "Pay attention ding-dong. This is what you've always wanted." And that I can't wait to grow old with this man and celebrate our umpteenth anniversary together in the town square.
But I won't. That would be imprudent, puerile and naive. You'll just have to imagine what happens.

Axel e Eigil Axgil

Guernica: The Testimony of War

After you unwind, have dinner and an After Eight thin mint, pour a nice glass of red and consider Pablo Picasso's famous Guernica. Read about its history on PBS' website.

Guernica
Click image for a larger view

Mural, mural on the wall...

The Creation of Adam

Michelangelo Buonarroti did my house.

Here's something for all of you who want that Sistine Chapel feeling at home. Murals Your Way will give you that and myriad other choices for a few paltry duckets.
365gay says:

One of the easiest ways to add a touch of elegance, whimsy or style to a room is just above you: the ceiling...
Murals, often thought of only for walls, can work beautifully on ceilings. Images of ethereal clouds drifting across a clear blue sky can transform a bedroom into a haven for rest and relaxation. Or give the feel of European elegance to dining rooms, hallways and foyers with frescos of the Old Masters.

Preach it, bro. Whomever uses the word whimsy has my immediate attention, and my dollars. Whimsy, whimsy, whimsy.
I also like the words diesel, cutting edge, hipster, industrial and sylvan.

A video short for your pleasure

A fun music video from Ryan McFaul to take the edge off of your day: Gay Boyfriend. The rest of the videos are fun, too. Watch them for pure chewing enjoyment.

Fascism. Mmm. Smells Bushy.

14 points of facism

SECULAR HUMANISM -- In "Fascism Anyone?," Laurence Britt identifies 14 characteristics common to fascist regimes. His comparisons of Hitler, Mussolini, Franco, Suharto, and Pinochet yielded this list of 14 "identifying characteristics of fascism." Parallels exist with the Bush Administration. Read Project for The Old American Way, a website created to respond to the fascist imperialism of The New American Century ( I referenced them in an earlier post, US Gov't Rant).

1. Powerful and Continuing Nationalism
2. Disdain for the Recognition of Human Rights
3. Identification of Enemies/Scapegoats as a Unifying Cause
4. Supremacy of the Military
5. Rampant sexism
6. Controlled Mass Media
7. Obsession with national security
8. Religion and Government are Intertwined
9. Corporate power is protected.
10. Labor Power is Suppressed
11. Disdain for intellectuals and the arts
12. Obsession with Crime and Punishment
13. Rampant cronyism and corruption.
14. Fraudulent Elections

Newsflash: country gripped by shark attacks!

Gay Pride Rio/NYC

My two favorite cities are celebrating Gay Pride today. Here's a flyer from Rio (thanks to MadeinBrazil) and my girl, Lady Liberty. Read my post Spirit of Pride, to see where my head is at this year. "God bless us, everyone."

New York in the 1970's

I happen to be fascinated with NYC from the 1960's (Midnight Cowboy) through the early- mid 1980's (Tootsie). The 70's encapsulate much of my fascination. SNL was new. The City was busted ass broke and Ford told the City to drop dead. Muggings were part of the everyday tedium. Studio 54 ruled the night. AIDS had not bit into the wild bachanal. New Yorker's took it all in stride. That was when I first realized that NYC was a special place. I remember staying up late in like '78 or '79 to watch SNL. It was the most exciting thing I could imagine from my little southern birdcage. Their theme music still captures my imagination and transports me to a place that NYC is no longer every time I hear it. Perhaps the City never was what it was legended to be. Perhaps the New York we all imagined is our Atlantis. Sometimes when I'm out in the City, I feel like we're all pretending to live up to the reputation of the past. The lingering shadows of Gotham. Other times, I feel like I'm in the city of my dreams. That's the magic of this place. It gives you glimpses of itself when it was - almost as if it were a timeline continuum. Then again, it never can remain the same, can it? I long for the society of yesteryear, all the while playing part in tomorrow's yesteryear. It's everyone's fate.
Well, enough personal nostalgia. Click the title of this post to see Allan Tannenbaum's book, New York in the 70's.

Here are a few of my favorite pics.

Cute as hell

I was up in Spanish Harlem last Sunday (see previous post) and went into a Deli on the corner of 117th St. and Pleasant Ave. It's a Dominican run deli. I was in the back getting a pint of milk for coffee with Tori and these 2 boys were back there talking about what was in stock. They seemed to be related to the owners or something. Anyway, one was a little round butterball of a guy, and the other kid, not. They must've been btwn 9 and 11.
So the fat boy says:

If they'd let me, I would'n eat no mo'. I'd jes' drink stuff.

The other kid:

Uh-uhn. You lyin'.

Fat kid:

Nuh-uhn. 'Member that time I was sick?

Precious.

Murphy's Law, etc., et alia

Yesterday, I had a "fat girl" attack of the munchies. I ate... I won't tell you what I ate. "Are you there God? It's me, Margaret." Today, I woke up and went back to my routine as if nothing had happened. How very WASPY and practical of me. Jogged my 2 miles this morning, ate 1 can of Tuna + 1 cup of Broccoli Sprouts. Mmm. My dog, George, loves the Tuna juice. Decided to go to the city(NYC). After all, I had to get my Gay Pride haircut and backwax(back hair minimal, but noticable close up[Geekslut - don't slam me if you read this. I know how you feel]).

Bus @ 1:30? No, can't make it. Easy. I'll take the 2PM. Ten min till 2PM, walk to bus station. Oh, no. It's 2 min till and I'm 5 min away. No sweat. Bus is always late. How many times have I busted my ass to get there on time and the bus is 10, 15, 20, 25 min late? Myriad. Ok, so relax. The bus ain't leaving at 2PM sharp.

The bus left at 2PM sharp. Fuck. Wait 1/2 hour. Guy at counter says not to worry. The 2:30 bus will get into Port Authority about the same time as the 2PM bus because it takes the more direct highway route. Excellent. Call new boy interest. Talk for 1/2 hour. Very nice. Bus arrives 10 min late (AHHHRG!). Several crosswords/magazines later, realize this trip is extra long. 2 1/2 hours long. Twice as long as normal. Serious bad mood sets in. Focus on crossword so as not to become foul. Rethink plans. Maybe have to cut something. In the end, my great barber, Hamilton (Brazilian) at Jean Louis David on 46th and Madison, washed and massaged my scalp, gave me an awesome haircut, told me I was gorgeous and sent me on my way renewed, rejuvenated, & feeling machoqueer. Went to H&M on 51st & 5th. Bought 5 great new things to look good in for new boy interest. Took subway down to Astor Place to KMart to get some basics and some clippers to clean up some "areas" (not just aesthetic - makes it more sensitive for me, too). Walked up Broadway to 14th/Union Square. Feeling good and looking machosexy. Then some fucking breeder/frat/fuckface had to kill my buzz and bring me back down to reality. On the corner of 14th & B'way by the Virgin Megastore, he says to his friends, and I quote, "Why are there so many fucking gays in this city?"
FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I stopped, turned around, and thought about bashing his fucking head in. "Why are there so many fucking straights in this city?" would be a more appropriate question. Straights outnumber gays by lots, so stop your whining, you fucking pussy. And another thing, straight people do most of the fucked up things in this world - so fuck yourself till you're dead, asshole! Better yet, I'd like to watch an elephant fuck you till your head pops off.
WOW! That felt good. A little rant (and fried chicken) is good for the soul.

After relaying the story to my sister and brother-in-law, my sister said I should've gone up to the guy, busted him in the mouth, and said, "Oh yeah, well a fucking gay just busted you in your mouth." My brother-in-law added the gratuitous line, "Suck on this."

I'm not able to analyze any of this right now because it hurts and angers me so much. I'm just reporting.
Anyway, back to the sequence of events:
After Fratboygate, I was going to walk over to 8th to take the subway up to Port Authority to grab a bus back to Jersey. On the way, I had my eyes peeled for The Vitamin Shoppe to buy some new diet/metabolism/energy pills. Because the bus in town had been so late, I had to cut the Vitamin Shoppe trip and backwax. I planned on shlepping back to the city on Saturday to complete my tasks, but thought if I saw a VS on the way - excellent.
No VS, but I did encounter Rehoboth Spa Lounge on 14th btwn 5th & 6th. I don't know all the background details on this place, but my impressions were:

• very clean & modern appearance
• large, well lit and well appointed
• wonderful, permeating scent of eucalyptus and mint
• very Japanese
  

All in all, my kind of place. There were a good looking black guy and latina/jewish girl getting separate pedicures in what looked like Captain Kirk's captain's chairs. When I inquired as to the price for a backwax, the lovely Asian flower behind the counter told me $40 or more, depending. "Depending on what?" I asked. The quantity of hair was the difference. I pulled up my shirt and she said, "Oh less than $40. We do whole back AND shoulders for $40." Awesome. And besides, I needed a little pampering. In short, the woman who waxed me, Debbie (obviously her chosen gaijin name), gave me the best waxing I've ever had in my life. Very little pain and she was so attentive, expedient and precise (as the Japanese are), that I'm hers forever. I recommend her!
The rest is boring and routine. Bus back home. Crosswords. Walk home. Oh wait. Here's a strange anomaly. About 1/2way into my 12 min walk home, while talking on my cell, a young, pudgey, red-faced blond guy driving a station wagon coming from the opposite direction pulled up and said (what I thought was), "Do you wanna ride?" "How odd and frightening," I thought. I leaned closer to his car and asked, 'What?," to which he repeated, "Do you wanna fuck?" (O-M-G!) I quietly said no as I half grinned and continued walking. He sped off with his too loud muffler popping. Can you believe it? In this little burg? I can't. I remember growing up in a southern state capital, cruising the famous, underground "fruit loop," where every fag (in or out of the closet), would cruise the wee hours of the AM, up and down the main drag, right at the foot of the capital. But that was long ago and I was unaccustomed to it when this guy pulled up. I did, however, experience something similar along the banks of the Ohio River and in a sleepy little town in Canada this last year. It really took me back to my early days.
On that note, here I am in bed with a 1/2 glass of red. Good night and sweet dreams.
ps - my sister thinks this blog is making me more gay. I tell her I couldn't be more "gay" just more aware of being gay. I'm still the same ole masculine, pseudo gay/straight acting guy I've always been. I'm just starting to grow a little more gay muscle.

I'm turning Japanese

I think I'm turning Japanese, I really think so.
These girls are part of a new fad in Japan called "Decorer."

It comes from the Japanese stylization of English words. They "decorate" therefore they are now "Decorer," just like someone who uses "Chanel" is "Chaneler." I think they're pretty. I want them at my party! No joke. Want a fun fashionista party in NYC? Get the Japanese there. Good luck though. They travel in packs and never veer from the prearranged and heavily Asian frequented spots.

Read and see more pics from the Japanese source on Masa Mania, but be aware that the page loads very slowly, even with hi-speed. I LOVE what they says about their site:

Japanese culture report by MasaManiA with fucking photo & poor English you never seen at boring CNN, Time or major sophisticated jurnalism.

Gay porn slang

An interesting article. Nothing too revelatory, but a quick fun read. Check out this excerpt:

Sex between men on film and video has given rise to a small subcategory of slang terms that apply only (or mostly) to gay porn. While sexual contact between women is a fixture in much so-called "straight" porn, the gay male porn industry is so far removed from the straight market that it's an almost entirely different culture -- even though almost every mainstream adult bookstore has a "gay" section, often quite sizeable. Interestingly, however, its individual slang terms are actually fewer than straight porn.

Gay porn began its journey toward mainstream status many decades after the first stag films were made. "Physique cinema" was a term applied to 1950s films that showcased the muscles and bodies of buffed young actors. A later genre was the "wrestling film," which featured hypermasculine characters disrobing and, clad in jock straps, engaging in a subtly homoerotic kind of big time wrestling. When these early erotic films were sold as eight-millimeter reels, they were known as "loops" (regardless of hetero or homosexual status). "Loop" became a sex-industry euphemism for an erotic film, though the term also retained its non-erotic meaning for a short 8mm film.

In the late 1960s and early 1970s, as explicitly gay films began to show at theaters in New York and other big cities, they were referred to as "beefcake" or "meatrack" movies. Until the popularization of video in the early 1980s, gay erotic films were even more underground than straight ones. There was a myriad of terms for gay erotic magazines, including "blow books," "bod-comics," "boylies," "butt books," "cook books," "fag mags," "flavor comics," "prictures," and more -- but the commercial gay porn industry, much like its straight counterpart, really exploded with video.

Read the entire text on Good Vibrations.

STOP THE PRESSES! UPDATE! I JUST HIT THE MOTHERLODE!
Check out the Gay Slang Dictionary. It's comprehensive, educational and entertaining. Homework: Find some new names to call your friends this Gay Pride, like "mental hermaphrodite," an antiquated term for homo, or "tansies" for all your Fire Island sisters.

Pode ser?

Could it be?
I stayed last night with the guy I met on Tuesday night. We did NOT have sex. I wanted it that way. We drank some red wine, ate some cheese, kissed our faces off, talked and laughed and got to know each other. We fell asleep by accident, woke up and kissed more.
He has a gorgeous body & face. I feel a tad shy around him, but he says he likes me a lot. Remember I said that we have the same birthday (2 Tauruses), and our mothers have the same birthday and age. We both feel that it is more than coincidence. There is a connection I feel with him - like, I know what he wants without asking.
Ooh, this would be a lovely romance.
We'll see.

Congrats to Maxime!

Apparently, my friend Maxime Perelmuter is doing some great things in Brazilian fashion this year. I really like his stuff. It makes me feel good. My party group, H7M, did a party for him last year when his clothes launched in a NYC boutique.
See what Made in Brazil reports about his creative direction of Brazilian label, Redley, and this year's British Colony show.

British Colony

Redley

Spirit of Pride

Click the triangle to read the history of this symbol

The following are excerpts from an article on Gay Pride. Click the title of this post to read the full text.
I, Thomas&co., endorse this message.

The term "Gay Pride" barely begins to capture the sense of honor and respect this rich spiritual heritage deserves. According to the Dagara tribe in Africa, certain people Westerners would identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender are uniquely physically and energetically suited to be "gatekeepers," the guardians of the doorways into other worlds, realms and realities. The Dagara believe that much of the pain and woundedness of the world can be traced to a lack of respect for these spiritual gatekeepers. In fact, author and speaker Malidoma Some says that part of the reason the world is in the shape that it is in is because the gatekeepers "have been fired from their jobs."

All this does not mean that lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people are better than straight people. (After all, heterosexuals should not be blamed for not having a "choice" about their sexual orientation!) It does mean, however, that queer people should have a sense of responsibility to continue bringing light, healing and spirit to the world, even if the world does not yet realize or fully appreciate our value and contributions.

And for the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender community, the world is crying out for us to speak from a place of real power and pride. We must know, in the deepest recesses of our souls, in the very fabric of our tissues, in every one of our cells in every part of our bodies, that we are blessed in the ways we express our love and our passion. Our blessing is that we know love, and we must love deeply, passionately and selflessly. It is our calling as a people. It is our calling as human beings.

This spiritual calling is what I will be celebrating during Gay Pride. I invite all of you who hear this call within you to do the same.

Christian de la Huerta is a member of the National Religious Leadership Roundtable of the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force. He is the author of Coming Out Spiritually, and founder of Q Spirit and Revolutionary Wisdom

too much information

His name is Jake Bronstein and his blog is called too much information.
Check him out as he keeps a photo diary of his adventures, like taking a bath in the Bryant Park fountain. This is New York at its best.

Jerry Falwell: ENEMY of the state

Well now he's calling for a national boycott of all Kraft products because they sponsor the Gay Games. It is his stated mission to roll back, repeal and destroy gay rights. For Jerry Falwell and his moral majority, a good fag is a dead one.
Read about his Kraft boycott plans, along with some of his past ideas about God's wishes and opinions, e.g., gays are the reason why God brought about the Sept. 11 attacks.
If we turn his reasoning back on the hate-monger fucker shithead, we see that God is making his opinion about Jerry Falwell very clear. He has struck him down with respiratory arrest and viral pneumonia. Blessed be the name of the Lord!
I hate Jerry Falwell. I hope you do, too.
Dear God, please kill Jerry Falwell. Amen.

"Two weeks to gorgeous"

Charles Atlas

Well, it takes a little longer than that, but I like the phrase. My friend , Tori, coined it years ago. But I am doing something that a lot of people say helps burn fat fast. I am doing cardio (running) for 30 minutes first thing in the a.m. BEFORE I eat anything. Read a fairly extensive article by Tom Venuto about the concept(scroll down a tiny bit on his page to get past an ad).
I choose running, but it can be any cardio. My friend David told me about it years ago when he trimmed up quick (in about a month). I've been at it for 2 weeks now, and along with a healthy lo-carb diet, I'm seeing results. I'll take some pics and post the results après régime. This is phase 3 of the new me: Phase 1 was to stop smoking, Phase 2 was self development, and now Phase 3 - the physical.
Oh, and before I go, I met a cute guy last night. Mad kissing in the loo of a restaurant/club, and all. We've planned to meet again tonight. Here's the best part:
We have the same birthday (but 3 years apart in age) and our mothers have the same birthday and year. Quite a coincidence, no?

Summer is here!

Today is the Summer Solstice. In celebration, I present Eugen Bauder. He gives me good vibrations.

Big Willi Style

Happy 23rd to Prince William. Woof. When I was 23, I was living in Africa and in a load of trouble with a certain British boarding school. Remind me tell you more later.

And Wills, just say the word, and I'll give it all up and come be with you. Forget all the bad things I say about myself. They're not true!

A Ballerina & a drunk Saturday night

One of my best friends, who is a former Prima from NYCB, was in town on Saturday for Jock Soto's retirement. We had actually made plans about a month ago to get together, but I forgot. I think she did too because she left a message for me Saturday afternoon saying she was in town and didn't know if I was in town, but if I was, call her. I happened to be at my Brazilian friend's restaurant, La Palette on Greenwich Ave. I had already drunk three beers and just ordered fried Mandioca (Yucca). I called the ballerina and she was at Brazil Grill on 46th & 8th with two other friends. I downed my last beer, paid the tab, gave the Yucca to the waitresses to eat and dashed out. It just so happened that my buddy, Fabio, was passing by with his car, so I jumped in and he took me up to the Brazil Grill. I'll try and summarize:
laughs, fun, food, wine, caipirinhas, fuzzy memories.
I missed my bus back to NJ so I stayed with the girls at The Time hotel. Lots of continued fun. I took lots of digi pics of a couple at the bar. It was my goal to convince the girl she WAS photogenic.
I went to sleep at 1am, woke up at 8am(still drunk) and walked across town(BEAUTIFUL Sunday morning) to the east side. Walked through St. Patricks and genuflected(Father's Day and all). Took a subway uptown to 116th where I had coffee with beautiful Tori - who looks like a 1940's pin-up calendar girl - then went back down to 23rd St. to my comedy improv class. All in all, a wonderful day, considering that I had not intended to stay the night in the city, had not come prepared, and had the same clothes on from the day before(although I bought a toothbrush and toothpaste - a fresh mouth makes all the difference[think in how many situations you can say that]).

Drunk Dance
80x60 cm

Copyright © 2002 Le Minh Hiep

Who the hell am I?

No, really. Who am I? Here's what 20 Questions to a Better Personality said about me:

You are a SRCL--Sober Rational Constructive Leader. This makes you a Ayn Rand ideal.

Taggart? Roark? Galt? You are all of these. You were born to lead. You may not be particularly exciting, but you have a strange charisma--born of intellect and personal drive--that people begin to notice when they have been around you a while. You don't like to compromise, but you recognize when you have to.

You care absolutely nothing what other people think, and this somehow attracts people to you. Treat them well, use them wisely, and ascend to your rightful rank.

Here's what 20 Questions to a Better Relationship said:

You are a XSYT--Expressive Sentimental Physical Taker. This makes you a Firebrand.

You are volatile, sexy and sexually driven. You're magnetic and fascinating, but you don't really enjoy playing the field -- it makes you nervous and preys on your insecurites. But when you fall for someone you fall hard.

You tend to over-analyze things, so the slightest comment or action from your significant other can send you into a tailspin. You crave attention and validation from your loved ones, so if your friends don't like your partner or your partner doesn't like your friends it makes you suffer. Unfortunately the two are often in conflict -- you have excellent insight with your friends, but in a relationship you are blind. Trust your friends!

You blow hot and cold, with big highs and big lows. This makes the bad times very bad but the good times very good, so you tend to stay in a problem relationship much longer than you should. But when a relationship fails, you hold a grudge. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but make sure your grudge doesn't cloud your vision the other way!

What would help you most in your relationships is confidence. You need someone who can help you feel good about yourself and not worse.

You can be needy and jealous. Fortunately you are cute as hell.

God, if this gets out, I'll never date again. Sounds fucking awful. I always fall for hot-blooded Latinos. Is there a pattern or explanation? I don't know. Is there a doctor in the house?
A friend of mine said this is crap and not like me at all - (but she's not Latino and we've never dated). She recommends ColorQuiz. Here's what it says about me(notice how it refers to me in the 3rd person - "it puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again"):

Your Existing Situation
The situation is difficult and he is trying to persist
in his objectives against resistance. Finds it necessary
to conceal his intentions as an added precaution, in order
to disarm the opposition.

Your Stress Sources
Strives for straight-forward relationships, founded on
mutual trust and understanding. Wishes to act only in
conformity with his own convictions. Demands freedom to
make his own decisions without being subjected to
interference, outside influence, or the necessity of making
compromises.

Your Restrained Characteristics
Feels that he is burdened with more than his fair share of
problems. However, he sticks to his goals and tries to
overcome his difficulties by being flexible and accommodating.

Feels trapped in a distressing or uncomfortable situation
and seeking some way of gaining relief. Able to achieve
satisfaction through sexual activity providing no turmoil or
emotional agitation is involved.

Your Desired Objective
Desires a tranquil, peaceful state of harmony offering quiet
contentment and a sense of belonging.

Your Actual Problem
Does not wish to be involved in differences of opinion,
contention or argument, preferring to be left in peace.

Your Actual Problem #2
Needs to protect himself against his tendency to be too trusting, as he finds it is liable to be misunderstood or exploited by others.
Is therefore seeking a relationship providing peaceful and understanding intimacy, and in which each knows exactly wherethe other stands.

I didn't even know I had a problem, not to mention a problem #2(well, according to 20 Questions to a Better Relationship, I'm rife with problems), and I'm not in a relationship. I've been very up and happy lately and enjoying my single life. Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?

A penny for your thoughts

By Thomas&co.

A penny for your thoughts,
Are you with me lover?
Did I see something flash across your face?
Tell me of the life inside your head.
What was once so costly, so dear,
can I now buy it for a penny?
Mere words to paint the canvass in my mind
leave me with a sketch, an outline of your soul
The creature is yet undone, the molten hot
My spirit, so dissatisfied with this stinking, decaying body
yearns for its release, hungers for denouement
And so seeks out a mate to share the burden
Asking for a candle to read the manuscript
My tongue trips over the words
Like a dream
I can't speak clearly
I can't run fast enough
I can't find the answer to my question
And now I've lost my way
So I'll start from the beginning
with this stranger I know so well
A penny for your thoughts, lover.
With bated breath I await the revelation
Knowing that its coming brings all that is good.

Copyright © 1999-2005, thomas&co. All rights reserved

"Best Personal Gay Blog" award

Yippee!!!!
I just got an e-mail from Best Gay Blogs.
They wrote:

Hello Thomas&co,

We just wanted to let you know that your blog was selected as the "Best Personal Gay Blog" for promotion on the morning of June 20 at www.bestgayblogs.com in the self category. We found your site to be professional and with lots of great updated content. Congratulations!

On their website they write:

His stories and insights are a contribution to the gay blogging world.

Thanks so much to all my readers and to the Best Gay Blogs staff. I hope you continue to read and enjoy what I put out there.
What an honor, especially during Gay Pride week. This is my gay pride. Thanks again!

Revolución Gay

Che Guevara - Andy Warhol

Ammendment: If you saw this post before today (6/20/05), underneath Che pop, you saw the following:

Gays as a separate race and nation must never capitulate because the others won't stop until we are dead silent. Semper fi.

I feel the need to add to this. The above , although true, is too curt and harsh and needs to be tempered a little. I recommend you read and earlier post of mine, Querelle - le monde gay, to get a better idea of what I feel.
Who are "the others?" any homophobe, anti-gay, hateful bigot.

I feel very strongly that we must stop killing ourselves with sex and drugs and start building ourselves into a powerful coalition. Do it in your home community, or worldwide via the net, but do it. Educate yourselves because we have to be smarter, quicker, stronger and faster than whomever is against us. We have to be "better than." And a lot of the times we are. We definitely are.

This does not mean that you or I must become extreme in our actions. We are however, simply by being gay, politicised, and as such, our course should be one of using the political system to even the playing field. "Separate but equal" doesn't even apply to us. We are separate. We are not equal.

Our government (local and federal) is allowing our rights to be slowly and surely reversed. Our current administration is morally governing our nation. The trickle down effect is that states and local municipalities have been given the green light for moral legislation. I do not want a government that judges me. I want a government that protects me.

Do you understand what I'm saying?

Al Otro Lado del Río

by Jorge Drexler

Clavo mi remo en el agua
Llevo tu remo en el mío
Creo que he visto una luz al otro lado del río

El día le irá pudiendo poco a poco al frío
Creo que he visto una luz al otro lado del río

Sobre todo creo que no todo está perdido
Tanta lágrima, tanta lágrima y yo, soy un vaso vacío

Oigo una voz que me llama casi un suspiro
Rema, rema, rema-a Rema, rema, rema-a

En esta orilla del mundo lo que no es presa es baldío
Creo que he visto una luz al otro lado del río

Yo muy serio voy remando muy adentro sonrío
Creo que he visto una luz al otro lado del río

Sobre todo creo que no todo está perdido
Tanta lágrima, tanta lágrima y yo, soy un vaso vacío

Oigo una voz que me llama casi un suspiro
Rema, rema, rema-a Rema, rema, rema-a

Clavo mi remo en el agua
Llevo tu remo en el mío
Creo que he visto una luz al otro lado del río

"I'm glad I waited"

Words said to his bride by my straight buddy Chris at his wedding last weekend in Pennsylvania. They were preceded by, "you're the girl everyone said didn't exist." Then he choked up and had to take a sec. I'm actually getting choked up a little now remembering it. Really. No cynicism. It was a pure, honest and lovely moment.

Quick back story: Chris is a rugby playing, Wall Street hustling fire ball of non stop energy. He's stronger, smarter and faster than most and a hell of a good time. Really. My nickname for him is "jackhammer." We've been buddies for years and he's never been able to find a girl who could keep up with him for long. A little secret - he's a romantic softy. He's been engaged before, so when he told me about this girl, I wasn't really suprised. Chris also comes from a very WASPy family. The right blood, schools, associations, and booze. A family that gets drunk together is either white trash or waspy. His family is a trip.

His bride is also a rugby player. Her entire team was there. Chris' mother warned me about "all the lesbians" on the dance floor. If she only knew, but some people still think I'm straight. Maybe it's because when I get tipsy, I make out with girls. She's a good gal from the other side of the tracks, or as Chris' dad said, "pulled herself up by her own boot straps" - a backhanded compliment at the exclusive private hunting club where the ceremony took place. I felt sorry for the bride's mom who seemed slightly out of place.

The reason I even want to post this is because Chris' moment and words surpassed my own cynicism towards straight marriage and most heterosexual's self righteous divinely ordained monopoly on love unions. It's something that gets my blood boiling and unleashes the crazy in me.

I hope this marriage works for Chris and I think it will. He inspires me to wait.

One of these days, the guy they say doesn't exist will come into my life and I can say, "I'm glad I waited."

Photo: David LaChapelle

DR. OMED’S EARLY SUNDAY SERMON: OUTLAW LOVE

Those who oppose gay marriage say that legal and sacerdotal recognition of the abiding love between a man and a man or a woman and a woman somehow degrades marriage between a man and a woman, and even threatens the social order.

I think love is outside and above the social order. If there is a higher law, love is that law.

I think denying gay people the sacrament of marriage degrades heterosexual marriage. I think that the refusal and the legal legitimization of the refusal to recognize the union between two people of the same sex degrades any claim we have to being a free society, and threatens the institutions that protect all our freedoms. There’s nothing civil about it.

Banning gay marriage makes a mockery of God’s love, and a mockery of the idea that we are all God’s children. It is an attempt to outlaw love. It is an attack on families that protect and nuture love in a dangerous world. To echo something Lincoln said, those who deny family to others do not deserve it for themselves. Denying marriage and family rights to some is no defense of the freedoms we so proudly, and loudly, proclaim. People who propose such a ban should be ashamed.

You cannot outlaw love. As St. Paul says in 1 Corinthians 13, love never fails. Love is greater than faith and outlasts hope. Love abides, as Paul says, when tongues and prophesies fail. Love will prevail.

Fag flower

The glory of nature. I took this pic the other day. Enjoy.
Question: Is this flower gay? the photographer? or the creator?

Free Katie Holmes

Latest Americana pop - Free Katie Holmes
Seems a lot of people out there think she's under "Cruise Control."
There's even a "Free Katie" concert in NYC this Saturday, 18th.

Me in art

My friend Missy (the artist and mother of my goddaughter), hates my profile pic. I like it because it IS me, but yet is somewhat obscured and maintains a little anonymity. She created the following images to put on my profile instead of the pic she hates. BTW, she's not the only friend who hates it. Seems that all my female friends strongly dislike it and say that there are many cuter pics of me. I tell them that the idea is for me to NOT advertise my face. They still don't like it.
So anyway, I'd like to hear opinions from you, my readers. Please send an e-mail and let me know which you think should go in my profile.
All three represent many things in my life: gay, southern roots, NYC & me. Can you divine the images? It's like "Where's Waldo?"

1

2

3

Body Worlds

Yuk!
This exhibit is the most widely viewed worldwide art show in history. My good friend Missy (artist) made me look at the website and all the pics on-line. I was completely grossed out. But now I want to see it just to see it I suppose. The stripped human body as art. Hmm. I don't even like to get a shot. Phobic really.

All the bodies belonged to people who authorized the use of their bodies after their deaths for the educational benefit of medical professionals and non-professionals alike.

The specimens are preserved by plastination - an impregnational technique carried out in a vacuum where the body tissue is saturated with special plastics.

This technique was invented by the exhibition's creator, Professor Gunther von Hagens. Plastination lends a high degree of rigidity to the tissue, enabling bodies to be displayed in upright, lifelike poses.

The Body Worlds exhibit is in Chicago until Sept. 5 and then moves to Philadelphia October 7 - April 23, 2006. Body Worlds 2 is in Cleveland until Sept. 18. That's right. Two different shows. Double yuk.

Ponto 9

I love Brazil! Tenho muitos saudades!!!!!

Ponto Nove is the name of the new collection made by Hubert from Rufskin. Coming soon.
Thanks to Oh la la Paris for the tip off.

Gaydar Radio

I'm in love and London's calling! Gaydar.com, the UK's gay cornucopia website has launched MY kind of informative, proud, fun, funky/fashionable, cutting edge aural pleasure! AOL Radio can kiss my ass with their G&L channel.

Gaydar Radio is available on digital TV channel 908 in the UK and Eurobird satellite across Europe, and on Digital Radio (DAB) in the UK.

On the web at gaydarradio.com - with lo/hi bandwidth options

Enjoy

Scab

by Thomas&co.

It must have been fascination
crusty texture first drew me to the scab
hard contrast between healthy, supple skin
pulling just a little, relieving the healing itch
excavating in micrometers until blood
it hangs like a snaggled tooth and must go
waltz it off bit by bit
snatch it like a swooping bird of prey

It must be the fascination
crusty texture draws me to my heart.
I wish my mother would come
tell me to leave it alone
memories pluck at it
run over the spot again and again
like a tongue, intrigued
your laugh pulls at it
your big, beautiful lips curled over your perfect smile
smell of your head resting against my cheek
smoothness of your skin
your sensitive chest
your thick afro-spanish nose
your black-brown eyes
micrometer tugs
never to heal
it’s been over a year.
I see you unexpectedly on the street
snatch

Copyright © 1999-2005, thomas&co. All rights reserved


"Exploding Heart" by Karin U. Soika

Fischerspooner

Why I like them:
Artistic integrity
Experimental
They're so fucking New York downtown intelligentsia
You will expand

2nd Annual Intl. Weblogger's Day

I would like to wish you all a Happy International Weblogger's Day!

More of my f-ed up e-mail romances

Last December I sent a wink to a VERY cute, 26 y.o. guy on mediabistro.com. There seems to be a different class of guys on this website - smart, cute, artistic.
I didn't expect him to respond, but he did.

Original reply from him Saturday, December 25, 2004 3:06:46 PM --

Hi
is your dog named after
curious george? my family is naming
a rescued feral kitten this xmas -
i want to call it "junky" b/c of all
the conjunctivitis we had to sludge
through to give him back his sight. awwww...
our daschund wants to spar with the
kitten and mother him.

i think i am getting a book
on anatomy which will surely
1. guide me thru an adjustment to this
recent weirdness in my shoulder
2. guide me into better make out land.

i could ramble more,
but you winked at me, and
now that i spent a credit, what's up?
you are cute.

WOW! I wrote back:

how cool that you wrote me (and spent a credit!). I saw your profile and liked the things you wrote, not to mention your very cute face! I especially love the following things in your profile -

If I could be anywhere at the moment:
on a dock on a lake. (I spent my life on the lake during the summer and it is my inner safe, relaxing place)
The five items I can't live without:
good soap (a slight passion of mine), a book (my favorite gifts to give and receive), Kenya AA coffee (I lived in Kenya with the Peace Corps and love Kenyan coffee for numerous reasons), a mix cd, a vial of coconut oil (the smell on skin drives me crazy!)

Fill in the blanks:
an olympic victory is sexy;
a quiet victory is sexier

In my bedroom, you'll find:
t-shirts, cotton blankets, sunlight and physical comedy.

My dog George was named King George because he has a crown pattern on his head, but it soon became Curious George to anyone who met him because he is indeed curious, almost elfish in his curiousity and willingness to help.

what's wrong with your shoulder? I've had 2 surgeries on my left shoulder and know that arena quite well. I'll do anything, even grit & bear the pain, not to do all that again. Twice is enough.

I have been enjoyng my family so much this week.

Where are you for the holidays?

What happened with the kitty & dachsund?

Cheers,

I included my personal e-mail and we then had several long e-mail exchanges. I liked this guy A LOT. He wrote long e-mails, was open and fun and was, did I mention?, VERY cute. Well, the catch in all this was that I would only be in town for a few days because after Christmas, I was going to Rio for New Year's and would then be leaving in January for 3 months. I told him up front, but said that I didn't want to miss the opportunity for him to know I was out there and that I was interested in him. The night before I was leaving for the west coast, we had a date (Jan. 12th) at a club where I was throwing a party (Le Souk). In short: veni, vidi, vici. It was great. We talked for hours and then later kissed for hours. I told him I didn't want to do the horizontal rumble yet because it would only throw my head in a spin since I would be traveling so much. I just wanted to make contact and see what might happen after my return. He was down for all of it and agreed on all points. It seemed perfect. He stayed the night with me while I packed, cleaned and took lots of kissing breaks. It was fun. I went out west and e-mailed, called and text messaged from time to time. We had a couple more phone conversations that were revealing and romantic, but all was with the knowledge that there were no expectations or implied commitments of any sort. We discovered more fun facts about each other and interesting similarities. I knew that he was a professional dancer - modern, I believe. I love dancers. Their bodies are unparalleled and they usually have great attitudes and personalities. I Googled him to find out more about him. A lot came back and I was impressed with his experience. I told him so straight away and he was suprised that there was so much out there about him. I told him how to search for it so that he could use the stuff for PR. The few text messages I sent were simple - "hi" or "thinking of you" or "I'm at xxxx and it's awesome!" Nothing serious or gooey. I also sent an e-mail that turned him off. I still don't get it.
For fun, I Photoshopped some pictures of him with cool layers so that they looked distressed or like old, grainy 35mm film, etc. I did the same to a few of my pics. I sent these to him with a general "hi" and said "look what I did for kicks. Hope you enjoy." Days go by. I get an e-mail from him that made me go cold and feel like a stalker. According to him, it was because I Googled him and Photoshopped his pics. One would think that I had Photoshopped us together in wedding dresses or something by his reaction. He said I should not write or call him so that he could do his own thing for a while.
Well I was baffled. I wrote back one short reply saying that I thought he had misinterpreted my intentions, especially the photos, that I was sorry he felt that way, that I still found him charming, and that I would respect his wishes. Four months go by and I decide to finally drop an e-mail to see what would happen.

I write:

title: still think you're cool

can't help it. you just are. even though you shut me down HARD.
I'm back in the area to stay.
wanna dance like we're on Solid Gold, get drunk, stay up all night cooking, watch a cool movie (and in no specific order), or maybe just a coffee?
ps - I'm a first-time uncle as of Wednesday!
Cheers,

He replies - 3 WEEKS LATER in June!:

hiya

sorry it took me a while to respond. was hesitant. back then i was really confused about all the texting, photoshopping and googling after one date. it was way too much for what i had to go on at that point. i was overwhelmed and felt overstimulated in a way.

you are a sweet guy though.

and i do remember a fun, foggy,
kissy night back in, god when was it, january? and the kissing was soo good, non?
i feel like we might still have a fun
date and more kissy kissy to do, non?

congrats on the new family member!

hope all's well,

I wait 3 days and finally reply just 'cause I had to at that point:

Thanks for getting back to me. I wasn't sure if you would. Actually, I'd given up hope.
.... what a difference a day makes. I have been so torn about this. You know I like you a lot (even after only one date). However, after I sent the e-mail to you, I was in contact with another guy. Well, in short, we've been talking. I'm no juggler, so I would never carry on, even casually, with 2 different guys. It's not my style.
Raw honesty:
I wanted to wait and see if something significant would happen with this guy, but it's too early to tell. I wanted to hold off in responding, hoping something would be definitive, but alas. No response would be unacceptable to me, so here I am. I hope you can hear this with the level, evolved, sophisticated head I know you have. I hope you won't shut me off in future if the opportunity arose and I was available. I also hope you can divine that you are in no way any sort of second choice. You're tops in my book. Just bad timing and luck for me, no?
I can't believe I have to write this after liking you from afar for so long. Que sera sera.
BTW, I love Carla Bruni. Thanks for the recommendation.
Cheers,

(I'll tell about the other guy later, but I think it's gonna be a dud)
He wrote back about a week later congratulating me and then proceeded to tell me about 2 guys he's courting (and how and why he likes them) and other crap in his life. WHAT THE FUCK!? I don't want to hear this, dude!
Fortunately for you guys, I erased all the e-mails I received because I wanted to clean out my box, head and past, otherwise this post would be "Beuwolf" long. I just happened to find these attached in my "sent" folder.
You and I both are at a bit of a disadvantage because you're really only getting my side and summary of our communication. I believe his e-mails would've supported my interpretation of our communication, or as I called it, "aquaintanceship"... or not. It's all circumstantial now.
As requested, I'll try and save future stuff like this for a little while so I can post it here. It makes for an interesting read.
If you have an opinion, please share.
More later.

Artist Ross Watson

from top clockwise
1) Balance
2) Untitled #19/04 (after Vermeer, 1657)
3) Untitled #20/04 (after Vermeer, 1665; featuring Paul Licuria)

You may have guessed by now that I like art. I especially like to spotlight either gay artists or art that features gay themes and/or the male form. Aguysite tipped me off to this Australian artist, Ross Watson - especially wonderful in my esteem.
Click on this post's title or any image above to get to his website. Enjoy.

Gay Judo & Brazilian Jiu Jitsu

I'd take a loving beat-down from this boy anyday. JUST kidding. I don't let anybody smack me around. For long.
I stumbled on battlemat.com and REALLY liked it. I know some of me readers will too.
It's real, it's hot, and it's gay. The trifecta!
Years ago I saw Jiu-Jitsu guys, or maybe Judo, slowly practice their holds one day. It was disturbingly hot. I surreptitiously video taped them it was so hot. That frottage footage is still on the rehearsal tape of a country-western dance troupe I was supposed to be taping.
I also recommend you read Dan O'Connell's article, BJJ - The New Gay Judo.

Question to my readers: Does anyone have the interview or feature of the male Gracie family member who is a gay ballet dancer? This is of importance because the Gracie family (from Brazil but internationally famous for their own brand of Jiu Jitsu) is notoriously violent and homophobic.
I first heard about it from one of the Gracie boys who was not a fighter, but rather a cool, open-minded guy. We worked together in Rio a few times. He is professionally known as the "Rei do Limao." Most entertaining bartender you've ever met. He was telling me about the negative legacy of his violent family and something about a cousin?/uncle?/nephew? who was a gay ballet dancer. There's supposed to be an interview somewhere.

Ben's

by Thomas&co.

I made a wish to the old-fashioned gods.
Please grant me this wish,
that I may win back my Love
Not the easy, obvious way:
make Him love me again,
trick Him into a state of mind,
a miracle of forgetfulness,
so that His desire for me bubbles up and froths at His mouth,
as if He didn't loathe me,
as if His steely cold gaze were gone,
instead that look of hotmelting love He once had
when He was my prince and I was His king.
No, that wouldn't be fair.
Oh, I would turn back the hands of time.
I would erase those last three months when I went sour.
I would white-wash my performance
so that it gleamed clean and true,
brightly lit with devoted affection.
I would be the perfect boyfriend, husband, lover, pet,
stallion, cozy arm chair, interesting book, delicious meal,
his favorite snack - Sprite, Combo's and a banana -
I would be all that infinity!
That is my dream every night that I sleep,
but it is fleeting, evasive and thin as air.
Yes, I have to bank on something much more promising,
like a wish from an old-fashioned god.
My wish, I humbly ask, is to be a tiny breath in His ear
to whisper and soothe until He loves me again.
Plant me there like a tinkerbell,
cradled in that beautiful, perfect ear
until He loves me again.
Amen.

Copyright © 1999-2005, thomas&co. All rights reserved

Domestic Bliss? Bliss this.

Ain't that a kick in the head? Read the 2 pg. article and see the 58 page photo spread in the upcoming July 2005 issue of W. Thank the gods & Bush these 2 lovelies are upholding the sanctity of holy hetero matrimony. Got that fags? This is how you do it.

Excerpt:

Sometime last year, Brad Pitt began giving a lot of thought to unhappy marriages.

The actor was in Los Angeles filming Mr. and Mrs. Smith, Doug Liman's thriller about a glamorous husband and wife who are secretly hired to assassinate each other. While the movie uses domestic ennui as a backdrop for a series of high-style action sequences, Pitt wanted to tell a darker, truer tale, one that explored the "unidentifiable malaise" that so often haunts a seemingly happy couple. "You don't know what's wrong," he says, "because the marriage is everything you signed up for."

That was the inspiration for this photo shoot, which Pitt created with photographer Steven Klein. Tired of celebrity portraiture and always up for an artistic "jam sesh," as he calls it, Pitt (who'd teamed with Klein and W in 1998 for an equally risqué layout, inspired by the film Fight Club) essentially codirected the photo series, while starring in it alongside his Mr. and Mrs. Smith costar and purported new love, Angelina Jolie. He opted to set it in 1963 (the year he was born), a time when the last traces of the squeaky-clean Fifties were giving way to something more complicated. "The facade was still being maintained," he says, "but things were starting to crumble underneath."

written by Christopher Bagley

The Choirboy

Choirboy by Georges De La Tour
c. 1640-1645

The following intro. to a feature in the May 30, 2005 issue of New York Magazine is of special interest because I discovered in reading that Lawrence Lessig is the man who pioneered and runs Creative Commons Licensing(see my sidebar). Google him and see what an impact he has had on internet law. Read the article here.

As head boy at a legendary choir school, Lawrence Lessig was repeatedly molested by the charismatic choir director, part of a horrific pattern of child abuse there. Now, as one of America’s most famous lawyers, he’s put his own past on trial to make sure such a thing never happens again.

Pedaço de Mim

Chico Buarque

Oh, pedaço de mim
Oh, metade afastada de mim
Leva o etu olhar
Que a saudade é o pior tormento
É pior do que o esquecimento
É pior do que se entrevar

Oh, pedaço de mim
Oh, metade exilada de mim
Leva os teus sinais
Que a saudade dói como um barco
Que aos poucos descreve um arco
E evita atracar no cais

Oh, pedaço de mim
Oh, metade arrancada de mim
Leva o vulto teu
Que a saudade é o revés de um parto
A saudade é arrumar o quarto
Do filho que já morreu

Oh, pedaço de mim
Oh, metade amputada de mim
Leva o que há de ti
Que a saudade dói latejada
É assim como uma fisgada
No membro que já perdi

Oh, pedaço de mim
Oh, metade adorada de mim
Leva os olhos meus
Que a saudade é o pior castigo
E eu não quero levar comigo
A mortalha do amor
Adeus

1977 © by Cara Nova Editora Musical Ltda. Av. Rebouças, 1700 CEP 057402-200 - São Paulo - SP
Todos os direitos reservados. Copyright Internacional Assegurado. Impresso no Brasil

To those who don't read Portuguese, I apologize. Those that do undertstand why this is one of my favorite songs and Chico one of my favorite poets.

Li'l G. Dubya has a trigger happy middle finger

Another example of our fine 43rd president and his christian family values.

by Jiveturky

The single greatest event of my life.
So I went to protest Dubya today, as he was visiting my humble little burg of East Lampeter, PA.
Adam came over and with my and Matt's help, created two banners. They read:

DOWN WITH BIG BROTHER
and
MORE TREES, LESS BUSH

The action got started off right when we arrived on the scene, and seven or eight teenage guys decided to "re-enact" the prison abuse scandals in Iraq by stripping down to thongs and making a human pyramid, while donning black hoods. The police officers on the scene immediately tackled them and led them out in handcuffs. It will be interesting to see how that plays out in court. Meanwhile, a crazy fortysomething man was asking Sean and Adam if they put their efforts into worshiping Christ. They said, "Yes, we like Jesus. We go to church." The man was befuddled, not expecting that sort of response from two teenage boys. Anyway, chants were formed, and heckling ensued. Adam and I even got filmed by a cameraman screaming "DOWN WITH BIG BROTHER!" as we simultaneously shook our copies of 1984 in the air. I don't know if it will actually get used in news footage, but if anyone sees it, please let me know.
It gets so much better.
Sean had to go back to work (he snuck out to join in the fun), so we drove him back to my place where his car was, then me, Adam, and Brendan went to another spot along the highway that we had spied earlier. A friendly Kerry supporter named Mr. Shenk let us use his front yard to display our banners. Now comes the good part. After waiting around for about 45 minutes, the motorcade passed by us again. A few police cars, followed by a van or two, drove by. Then, a Bush/Cheney bus passed, followed by a second one going slower. At the front of this second bus was The W himself, waving cheerily at his supporters on the other side of the highway. Adam, Brendan, and I rose our banner (the More Trees, Less Bush one) and he turned to wave to our side of the road. His smile faded, and he raised his left arm in our direction. And then, George W. Bush, the 43rd president of the United States of America, extended his middle finger.
Read that last sentence again.

I got flipped off by George W. Bush.

A ponytailed man standing next to us confirmed the event, saying, "I do believe the President of the U.S. just gave you boys the finger." We laughed probably for the next half hour, and promptly told everyone we knew. Brendan actually snapped a picture of Bushy in action, but the glare and the tint of the bus windows make it difficult to see him at all. Nonetheless, it was the best possible reaction.

We pissed George W. Bush off. We are true patriots.

Cluttered

by Thomas&co.

The rain is deafening,
hitting my air conditioner like a boxer punching a punching bag
ratata tatata tatata tatata tatata tatata tat
until it roars and I am peaceful.
Sudden and complete the relief,
like the life breath drawn after buoying to the surface
my lungs hot with pain.
Finally a sound louder than my inside.
I don't notice till it is canceled by the rain
balanced to a quiet moment.
I can stand in my head and think.
"How odd," I say, "there's nothing here."
A giant gymnasium stripped bare,
caked with cracked subconscious long dead.
Nothing soft, nothing squishy, nothing pulsing, nothing moving,
not even a glint of wetness or smell of moisture. Hmm.
The rain stops and I am distracted by rushing locomotion.
A squall kicks up and all is normal and screeching again.
I forgot what I was saying

Copyright © 1999-2005, thomas&co. All rights reserved

"Ring of Fire: The Emile Griffith Story"

From JoBlo.com
by Scott Weinberg

Another fantastic documentary is RING OF FIRE: THE EMILE GRIFFITH STORY, which comes from the filmmakers behind the also-excellent BOYS OF SECOND STREET PARK. Boxing aficionados may remember Emile Griffith as the pugilist who unintentionally killed his opponent in a 1962 welterweight championship. But what many people didn't know was that Emile was a gay man in a profession (not to mention an era) in which "coming out of the closet" was not even an option. Full of great interview segments from the men who were there, insights into the struggles of being homosexual in such an ignorant era, and fascinating old-school boxing footage, RING OF FIRE is absolutely one of the best Sundance films I've seen so far.

Check out a great feature on Sports Illustrated.

Evander Holyshit!

Photo by Mark Abrahams

Evander, Evander, Evander. Damnit! I just can't stand it!
I am a boxing fan. I am also a dance fan. Boxers and fancy footwork - a natural, but Evander Holyfield's star turn on ABC's Dancing with the Stars is more than I can bear . I like the show (Ballroom dancing IS a sport!), but Evander sticks out as a lead-footed fish out of water. On one hand, it's cool to see that he's adenturous and, I guess, immune to Riddick-ule, but Jiminy Christmas! What does become a legend most? Not this Evander. Not this. I'd rather watch you learn Sumo, or arrange flowers.
Best quote from his DWTS bio:
"Evander is a keen dancer and even owns his dance studio."

Nude - Photography - Male - Art

It's not nude, but I love this image by Rebecca Blake.

I have to pass this on. I picked it up off of travelgayzette.
If you are a photographer with nothing planned for July - go. I'm not a photographer and I'm busy in July, but I'm still going.

Nude Male Model Workshop On July 9, 2005, a select group of photographers and other artists are coming to work with a handsome collection of nude male models in beautiful settings. You will have excellent access to the models during each session with no more than two artists per photo model.

Hosted on a private 52-acre estate, just one hour south of Washington, DC (55 mi.), in Fredericksburg, VA, this unique workshop will celebrate the male form.

I want to talk to my elected officals, so I'm definitely going. Oh, please! You know they'll be there. Oh wait. Is that when they have their little Bohemian Grove circle jerk?

Register on line.

Non-photography artists are also welcome for figure drawing, painting, and sculpture in separate sessions.

Paid modeling opportunities are open for DONMA, and there are a limited number of slots to audit this workshop, for those who learn by watching instead of by experimenting (Oh me, please, me).

The workshop web site is online at http://www.DONMA.org

Dog Day Afternoon

Elena Beelaerts - Defecating Dog

As you know if you read my blog, I am
passing the summer out in the NJ countryside
while I find a house I want to buy closer
to the city. What city? THE city. Anyway,
I feel like I'm in the Twighlight Zone
out here. However, the mayor's pretty nice.
He's Latino. The whites who live here -
assholes.
TO: The Hon. xxxxxx xxxxx

Dear Mayor xxxxx,
I am a recent resident of xxxxx. I am
a former 12 year resident of New York
City. Sir, I am writing today to relate
a disturbing incident that occurred
today. I was  walking my dog (a small
Whippet) on Pxxxx St., just north of
E. Mcxxxxxx St. on the undeveloped west
side of the street. My dog defecated
in the grassy area. I had already used
the one plastic bag I had carried
with me to pick up and dispose of his
first dropping, which is all I usually
need. I was in the process of seeking
another plastic or paper bag on the
side of the road to pick up and dispose
of his waste, (in accordance with
city ordinance § 395-2) when I was
startled by loud yelling directly behind
me. A man in a white van with lettering
on the side(business) was shaking
his fist at me, ranting that I was
breaking the law. He did not identify
himself other than by saying he was a
city council member. Although taken
aback by his verbal aggression and anger,
I stated that I was going to pick
it up, but I don't believe he heard me
because he continued to repeat
himself without pause. He ended by
saying he was giving me a warning,
disdainfully looked me up and down
and appeared to report the incident
into a hand-held walkie-talkie as he
drove off. He never asked me what I was
doing nor did he give me a chance to
explain myself. I was stunned. I did in
fact find a plastic bag and pick up my
dog's small dropping.

Sir, although I understand the importance
of public health and removal and disposal
of animal waste, is there a situation
particular to xxxxx that warrants such
aggressive and bad behavior? I ask this
also because I have been yelled at by a
resident on Rxxxxxxx Avenue simply because
my dog was walking in a grassy area off the
sidewalk (not a home's yard). Walking - not
defecating or urinating. It makes one think
there is a history here that would explain
such hyper-vigilance to the point of cranky,
aggressive unfriendliness. I feel like an
unwelcome interloper and outsider.

Before I make my final opinion and choice of
residence, I want to inquire about these things.

Thank you. Your time in considering my dilemma
is greatly appreciated.

Respectfully,
Mr. Mayor replies (original, errors & all -
I always quote like this):

Dear Mr. Pxxxxx,

I am sorr to hear about your unfortunate
encounter with the individual you describe.
Without attempting to defend someone's bad
behavior, the Town of xxxxx has had bad
experience with inconsiderate neighbors who
don't pick up after their dogs.
It is evident that this is not the case with
you, as you seem to be a reasonable citizen
who thries to follow local ordincances.
xxxxx is a friendly town, and the two incidents
you describe are not the norm, but the exception.
Please accept my apologies on behalf of any
xxxxx resident who may have offended you. I hope
you will find that xxxxx is a much friendlier
place than what you have experienced. Thanks for
informing me on these issues, and please email me
directly in the future if I can be of any assistance,
or if you'd like to discuss this issue further.
Be well,
Now that's democracy at work. But I ain't staying.

Who says gays have more fun?

Where's Wonder Woman when you need her? I've been acting as a sounding board for a straight female friend of mine who is trying eHarmony(it's only for straight people) to see what comes of it. She and this guy live in different but neighboring states. The story picks up here: His questions and her answers:

His QUESTION:
This question has 2 parts: 1st) Your profile says you are a designer. What capacity do you work in? Interior design, interior decorator, or other? 2nd) if you could do ANYTHING you wanted to do for a living,
what would it be?
Her ANSWERS
(1) designer as in a painter, drawer and sort of sculptor. I also do design work on the computer: graphics, lay out, photography, etc. I work for myself.
(2) everything I'm doing now, only much better.

His QUESTION:
WE live considerably far apart. Are you interested in pursuing a long distance relationship? Would/could you consider relocating if you found true love and wanted to get married? (assuming you are looking for a lasting, loving relationship)
Her ANSWER
That's it, that's the ONLY kind of relationship I'm looking for. Lasting and loving, taking it to a whole new level. Moving would be easy for me in this case.

His QUESTION:
Describe an interest you have that you would truly hope your partner could share with you. You could elaborate and tell me whatever interest you enjoy (hiking, biking, frisbee, water/jet/snow skiing, tennis, museums, art, ad infinitum
Her ANSWER
Sharing a genuine interest in each other. Compromise, flexibility, making each other happy.
Intimacy, both verbal and physical, I'd say a fundamental interest, a pre requisite even.
So yes, anything and everything you mentioned above. I like all of it. Whatever makes us happy

I told her it sounded great, honest and open. Then she sends me the following e-mail:

Question from him:
Looking back at your life, describe one particular
event that you wish you had handled differently?

My Answer:
There is a little more to this story, but to give
you the idea, about a month ago, one of my best
friends died unexpectedly. I received a letter
from her several months ago. Even though I kept
meaning to, I never wrote her back. I wish I had
handled the whole thing differently because now
it is too late.

Question from Me:
The question you asked me, "an event you wish you
had handled differently." I'm curious, what insght
were you hoping to gain and after reading my answer,
what insight did you gain?

His Answer:
Sometimes lessons learned easily are just as easily
forgotten. Good chance you'd remember to return my
phone calls in timely fashion.

Finally, we have completed the last stage and are
now able to communicate freely (through eharmony)
so, I send him a email.

My email to him:
Hey.
How are things in xxxxxxx, has it started getting
pretty warm? (or is hot a better word?) I don't
want to bombard you with a bunch of questions, I
am interested in hearing more, interested period.
By the way, I liked your responses. Especially that
last one, thanks for making me laugh.
Hope to hear from you soon.

I receive a reply from him, but I have NO IDEA how
to take it. Can you please explain what he means?
How should I reply?

His email reply:
Well, you sound like you might make a nice friend.
Something tells me that you're probably getting
about 50 emails a day from guys saying things
like "Hi, I'm freshly divorced from my seventh
wife, have 5 delinquent kids...but the good news
is that I have a good chance at finally getting a
job..." etc. Right?
I respond to her with the following:
Well, it is puzzling. I don't quite understand,
either. Maybe he's trying to be funny with the last
part. I might try something like this:

Hi,
Well, I and my friends consider me a good friend.
I find that friendship is very fulfilling and worth
the effort and being a good friend so very important.
I try to be one. I'm ultimately looking for
something a little more than just friendship on this
website. What about you? What is your ultimate goal
from this online experience(it's quite a unique
experience, isn't it)?
As for the types of men that respond to me - how'd
you know? Are you psychic? Just kidding. No, it's
not that bad, thank god. What has your experience
been like so far? Lots of freshly divorced women
from seventh husband and 5 delinquent kids? haha
(I hope not). Well, anyway, I sure have enjoyed
getting to know you a little in this process and I
like what I see so far.
Hope to hear from you again.
Cheers,
She actually copied what I wrote and sent it to him,
then she e-mailed me today:
OKAY here we go... here is his reply: (What now?)

His email to Me:
I'm thinking about selling the story rights of my
three weeks at eHarmony to Desperate Housewives.
Must admit you don't sound very scary, but just in
case, how many chain saws do you own?
I write back:
I would either drop him right now, or send an e-mail
saying something like this:

What exactly do you mean? Have I written something
that led you to feel I'm less than sincere or stable
and well adjusted? Honestly, I'm a bit perplexed by
your last 2 e-mails because there seemed to be a
sudden shift from the first phases of our
communication. I realize that e-mails are open to
all manner of misinterpretation, but really. I think
I'd appreciate a little more sincere communication
mixed in with the joking, just to help me feel your
motives are the same as mine during this process. 
Now who says gays have all the fun? Sheesh! My
prediction: He's a fucking psycho! Also, I recommend
she keep a copy of all correspondence with him and
start watching Desperate Housewives. If something
shows up that's similar to her experience with him,
sue the fuck out of him and DH.

Diesel - A musical to believe in

WHO: Diesel models (and their iPods).

WHERE: Backstage at the Diesel Fall 2005 Fashion Show.

WHEN: Thursday, February 10, 2005.

Shequida's milkshake? Better than yours

Shequida, whom I have had the pleasure of hanging out with(as a boy) on occasion and seeing perform(as a lady), rocked the opening of the Kehinde Wiley (see previous post) exhibit at the Brooklyn Museum earlier this year. Watch her performance here. I love shit like this! She could teach you, but she'll have to charge.
Look for Kehinde's solo show, WAR, coming in
October, 2005
Deitch Projects
New York, New York

Shequida
BOY/DIVA

A Matter Of Choice

The Law Of Attraction

One of the most wonderful abilities we have is the ability to make choices. We can choose to think positive thoughts or negative thoughts. Likewise, we can make an effort to ensure all our actions contribute to positive outcomes or we can convince ourselves that negative outcomes are inevitable. Such choices can then have a profound affect on your life, for they are the seeds you sow in the universe. Your words and deeds, even the thoughts kept hidden in your mind, contribute to your experience by attracting similar words, deeds, and thoughts because of the Law of Attraction. It is a natural law, as easy to understand as "like begets like" or "what you sow, so shall you reap." It means that what you give to the universe will come back to you, giving you a huge measure of control over the direction and quality of your own life.

If you are patient, you will no doubt be able to see the Law of Attraction at work in your own life. To give a simple example, a smile freely given to a stranger or coworker often nets a smile in return, while a scowl directed at the same individual will most likely cause them to scowl back. On a larger scale your thoughts, feelings, and reactions to people and situations subtly change your aura. These changes in energy can act like a magnet, pulling similar energy to you, be it positive or negative. As you walk your path, you can use the Law of Attraction to help you create the life you want to live by making a conscious decision to emit positive energy. If you are experiencing unpleasantness at home or work, perhaps analyze your own treatment of others. If you find yourself under a great deal of stress, ask yourself if you have been focusing on the expectation of stress. Remember that your thoughts, too, can attract positive or negative outcomes.

Will you choose to focus on beauty, peace, happiness, and love, or to dwell on the faults of others or the world? It's up to you. Because of the Law of Attraction, your focus can easily become your destiny. Learning to alter your reality by attracting only positive people and situations, or, indeed, anything you desire, will open an infinite number of doors.
The Daily Om

Well, let's see...

By continued request from the friends who always call me for advice, I am putting it out there in Blogland that the doctor is in. If you would like advice on any subject, feel free to post a comment or find my e-mail on my profile page and I will answer. Keep in mind, your letters and my answers will be posted, but of course, your identity will be protected.

Young, gifted & black

As originally spotlighted on NPR, June 1, 2005

'Marriage of the Virgin'

Kehinde Wiley: his lifelike -- and life-sized -- portraits of break-dancing B-boys in classical poses are catching the eye of collectors and museums.

Querelle - le monde gay?

If you've never seen the 1982 movie, Querelle, starring Brad Davis, I recommend it. It's a beautifully artistic, homoerotic, and somewhat disturbing walk in the gay psyche - or one of the gay psyches. To me, its "head" is in the '50's, and in NYC today. The more things change, the more they stay the same. I'm reminded of this film because I wanted to say a piece about gay culture and my head is going in 2 different directions. I had wanted to call this post, "Listen up, punk," but went with the more aesthetic film intro.
Side A: Faeries & Stonewall
I saw 2 gay culture documentaries on PBS several years ago during gay pride week. God bless PBS in large metropolitan markets. PBS is still the best television. They were, "Life before Stonewall" and "Life after Stonewall."

These 2 docu's were catalysts to a paradigm shift I had about what it means to be gay. I learned about Harry Hay, for the first time. I wish I had known him. I had the epiphany that gay individuals are a race, a creation, a nation, separate and apart from the rest of civilization, and as such, we should function and mobilize as a nation, identify as a race, and actualize as a creation. I actually called my mother and talked to her about it. I told her, in short, that she gave birth to an alien child. To me it made perfect sense. It took all the guilt and pressure away. In optimal circumstances, having a gay child should be viewed as a blessing, not a curse. The native American culture's view of a two spirit child is a clear and positive example of this. I say optimal because family and society do so much damage to a gay child's psyche, that it's no wonder we have some of the les enfants terribles in our gay family that we do. For the percentage of the population that we comprise, our naughty factor is off the charts. This leads me to
Side B: Punks & Sluts
I learned about a blog called GeekSlut. He quit posting a while back, but he keeps his blog up. I recommend a read. It is fascinating. I read the whole thing (including archives) & winced the whole way through, but couldn't stop reading - especially because I know some of the NYC people he talks about. His take on gay being was new to me. It was a complete education and explanation for parts of the puzzle I didn't get about urban gay culture. I came to understand that despite my personal tastes and fetishes, I am vanilla, old-fashioned and romantic. Although I think this guy arrives at his conclusions in a completely skewed way, he has a pretty solid take on his side of gay culture. Unfortunately, it took a lot of suffering, drug abuse, and death, not to mention an ongoing lack of intimacy, to get where he is emotionally. Although he reduces gay men to predatorial orgasm seekers, I like him. This guy is very smart. Just skewed. And here we return to Querelle. I remembered Querelle because I was thinking of GeekSlut in considering this post. The military setting of Querelle, as I recall, touches on the life of the "real" Querelle on GeekSlut. There is an incredible, almost stunning lack of connection between this type of gay man and his spirit. He is reduced to a sexual creature who puts his dick through a proverbial gloryhole for the warm sensation of orgasmic love, all the while safely behind a protective, cold wall - unencumbered; or as we say, "no strings." But there are always strings - tendrils of life seeking nourishment. We are, after all, organic living beings.
Shit, I'm sick of hearing myself wax poetic. I've merely touched the surface of these ideas, but the kernel is there. I see my gay nation sick and getting sicker. I don't mean physically, I mean spiritually. So listen up punk, you got a loaded gun in your pocket. It can facilitate destruction or love. So be wise. You are my family, my nation, my pride, my future, my past. I recognize and know you instantly. I am like you and you are like me anywhere on this entire planet. We are born apart, but we are the same. If you really explore this idea, you'll start to see the alien/nation/race idea more clearly. Take pride in what you are. Learn about your gay history & forefathers/mothers. They went through a lot so you could come a long way, baby. You are a blessing, a rare and special creation. Start acting like it.

Willi Ninja is a gas on Jimmy Kimmel Live

Wed. June 1:
After vogueing legend Willi Ninja's (Paris is Burning, runway expert) unscheduled vogueing appearance on ABC's affable Jimmy Kimmel Live late nite talk show, Dominic Monaghan (Lord of the Rings, LOST) asked Ninja if there had been some unscheduled gassy escapes during Ninja's contortionist routine. He emphasized his meaning by wrinkling and pinching his nose. Ninja chuckled and agreed that indeed there had been some unexpected outbursts. Up next: Kimmel hires Monaghan as a full time smell translator who appears in a small box in the lower left screen and indicates smells through his rubbery-faced mug.

les hommes sont des lâches

So, I got stood up yesterday. It's never happened to me before. Here're the details. I received a "wink" from this guy on an online dating site. I checked out his profile and, although there weren't any pics, there were a few things that caught my eye.

PROS:

• 27
• Capricorn
• 6'1"
• athletic
• Riding instructor, horse trainer and deeler[sic]
• 75K+ a year
• from South Africa (could be interesting)
• he apparently liked my profile and pics

He had the following self description (in his own words and spelling/grammar):

I am up beat and a fun loving person i like riding and running. I am a very active person. I am a manily man and i like the things that real men do. I am real and honest and very giving. What i'm looking for in a guy is a maily man no fems. Somone with a strong personlity who is open to eveything. Somne who can just like me fore who i'm and not for what i'm worth. LEAVE AN ALTERTIVE WAY FOR ME TO GET A HOLD OF YOU.

Ok, Mr. Manily Man, let's see whatcha got. Despite some blaring red flags, I reply:

You've got my attention. I hope you can send me a picture.
What you're worth? I assume you mean $. Well that's of little importance. Who you are? I don't know, but you seem cool. What I find appealing is the horses. I've loved horses all my life. I feel a close connection to them. I've ridden both English and Western saddle, but wouldn't say I'm very good at either. I can stay on! I had some instruction when I lived in Kenya (and even jumped a little). Since you work with them, and I assume they trust you, you must have some good qualities, right? I mean, I'd take a horses recommendation any day.
Ok, I guess I could go on and blah, blah, blah. But you've got me at a disadvantage. You know what I look like.
Get back to me when you can
Cheers

He writes:

THAT IS VERY GOOD THAT YOU LIKE HORSES COUSE THAT IS MY LIFE I LOVE WORKING WITH THEM AND IT SAYS A LOT A BOUT YOU TO IF YOU ARE A ANIMAL LOVER I LIKE THAT I HAVE A 13 WEEK WEIMERANER PUP VERRY CUTE IS NO MY PICK 2 SO HOPE TO TALK TO YOU SOON MY PIC IS UP NOW LOOK AND ALL MY HORSES IS UP 2 TALK TO YOU SOON

I reply:

great stomach, also. Damn those horses are beautiful and you look just incredible on them. Very cute pup as well. If you send your e-mail or send me an e-mail to the e-mail address I sent B4, I'll send a pic of my dog (George), a whippet. He's a hell of a guy.
Cheers

He writes:

here is me e mail xxxxxxx@optonline.netmail me there
ok hope to here from you soon - # 631 xxx xx xx

I reply:

Hey,
Glad you wrote back. Here's a pic of my dog, George, in LA last year. My horrible sister dressed him up for Halloween. Cheers

And finally, he writes:

lol i love the pic we sould haang out some time even if the dog only have aa play daate lolok 631 xxx xx xx talk to you aoon

So I call and leave a message Friday night around 10 pm. He calls the next day around 3 pm. He says he really wants to get together. He then says (now get this), "Why don't you come out and stay with me for a couple of days?"
EXCUSE ME?! But what?
I actually started laughing (in a good humored way). He was cracking me up and I wasn't put off by his suggestion. I mean, he couldn't be serious, could he? I suggested coffee. He then said, "Oh, that's what I meant." I laughed even more. I had to repeat back to him what he had said and tell him how amusing I thought it was because of the disparity of the 2 ideas. He said all his friends know that with him the 2 are synonymous. I asked him to explain. He said that meeting for coffee or staying with him for 2 days, even sleeping in the same bed, carries the same pressure and expectations (the implication was that there wasn't any). I bought it, although I'm thinking this guy was a little off, if not "challenged." But I'm hanging in for the horses. How bad could this guy be? And besides, I've never, not once, met a guy who is a horse trainer/instructor/dealer. I had to see where this would go.
But first:
There's the whole "Somne who can just like me fore who i'm and not for what i'm worth" issue in his profile. I gather it means he has money and wants to meet someone who won't use him. OK, fine. Here's a tip: Don't advertise it in your profile. My amateur opinion? He wants people to know. He feels validated by it. He also made a few comments on the phone that hinted that he comes from money. La-dee-da. RED FLAGS, but I'm still holding out for the horses.

(Sidenote: It seemed to give him pause that I don't own a car. We're in NYC. Someone explain that to me. Does anyone own a car in the city? I mean, you know, anyone that matters?)

However, he stated again that he wanted to meet... for coffee. Says he'll drive into the city (from L.I.) to meet me. He suggests Monday afternoon or Tuesday morning. I pick Monday afternoon. He says fine. We agree on the time and he suggests The Big Cup, the gayest coffeehouse in Christendom. ANOTHER RED FLAG: OK Mr. Manily Man, what gives? He also mentioned that he was about to go to Fire Island for the afternoon (said in his fey South African accent. Harry Hays would've cheered for this faerie prince). Nonetheless, the location and time were set and I thought at least we could meet and go elsewhere.
Without too much painstaking detail, let me just say that I was nervous and almost let my nerves talk me out of going. I thought about calling in sick, but you know what? I didn't. I bucked up and went. Got cleaned and shined up and went. It took 1 1/2 hrs to get there because I'm staying with friends out in the NJ countryside. I arrived 25 min. early and started reading the Times. So, there I sat. At 3pm, I went outside to be conspicuous. At 3:20, I called and left a message for him. No call back (to date). At 3:45, I left.

I have no idea what the deal was or is. Despite the obvious negative feelings that one would experience from being stood up, I actually had a very positive side effect experience. I got cruised a lot. It felt great. I say this because I don't go out a lot anymore, so having all those cuties cruise me made this old boy feel pretty shiny. What could've been a crushing blow to my ego, turned out to be a shot in the arm. I went to a restaurant - had Asian and 2 martinis, met my life coach - had more martinis and a session, went to a friend's restaurant - La Palette - and had caipirinhas and stayed and laughed and talked till 12:30 a.m.
So, VJ, wherever you are - Fuck You, you pussy!
There, I've said it.