Brutalized "Stare"

"Stare" by Jenny Saville

I saw this work by Jenny Saville some time ago, and then ran across it again recently in a book at my friend, Matthew Burcaw's art studio. I remember being struck from the first moment I saw it how that it reminded me of a friend, Gary, who was brutally sexually abused by an uncle as a child. His uncle used to rape him in the barn, shove his face in pigshit and tell him he was worthless. That was what this picture represented to me from the first moment I laid eyes on it. I've had it saved on my desktop for weeks now, wanting to post it, but not finding the right moment or reason.
I realized tonight as I said aloud to myself that I feel so angry lately, that I feel brutalized inside by the state of the world. I'm almost brimming over with too much bad news about gays and how so many states, governments and people want us silenced. Then there's the whole recent 9/11 anniversary. As a Serbian asshole pointed out to me, the rest of the world doesn't care about it because there are worse things happening in the world today. Fair enough. But to me, a New Yorker, that was the worst. It happened here, so of course we feel it more and it sometimes consumes us. Just as I said in my 9/11 post, I don't know about the rest of the world, but as for me, I will never forget. I've found myself more intensely angry about it this year in particular. I don't know why, but it must be a culmination of many commingling social stressors. And I must say, I find myself more and more angry at muslims as they remain silent as the so-called "minority" of their faith act out their evil murderous plans. I'll never, ever forget the muslims celebrating in the streets after news of the 9/11 attacks. It also happened here. A friend of mine in Michigan, home to a huge muslim population, reported to me that he saw the same scenes there - muslims joyously celebrating American deaths and the destruction of the WTC.
It's a very brutal time. Hence the stare.